Fake Mommy Talks About Sexy Grandma

Since Louis is on vacation at Auntie Stephanie's house, he gave me permission to write an entry on his blog. He can't figure out how to use her keyboard.

I know I haven't talked much about Amy, Louis and Gretchen's ancient Lhasa Apso sister (we call her "Sexy Grandma"), but she's grown on me. I think she deserves her own blog entry.

At first, it was a little difficult for me to bond with Amy. She's a very sweet lady, but she's not a dachshund (I know, it's not her fault.). Now that I know her, I like her quite a bit. Not only is she a very nice doggie, but she's very easy to have around. All she needs is a soft spot to sleep, a backyard to roam in and, of course, her beloved water bowl.

I think this new perspective began when I groomed her last week. Before that, she was a little raggedy little dustmop -- I don't think I'd ever seen her eyes before!

Real Mommy had warned me that Amy was extremely difficult to bathe, and I found that to be true. Fortunately, I've had a lot of experience grooming dachshunds who do NOT want to be bathed, so I was able to get the job done with a minimal amount of fuss. I would never attempt to clean her ears, cut her nails or trim her fur (except for mats), but I feel comfortable bathing and brushing her. What's odd is that she seems comfortable too.

One of the techniques I use for bathing aquaphobic dogs is Temple Grandin's Squeeze Machine. I don't know that it's something a trainer or groomer would use, but anxious dogs calm down right away when I hold them between my arm and torso; it worked beautifully for Amy. She let me work on her ears, paws and tail, all sensitive areas for her.

There's something intimate about bathing a dog: Your hands are on her body, examining her strength, looking for mats and owie places. Caring like that for anyone -- human or dog -- is a bonding experience.

Since bathing Sexy Grandma, she seems to have bonded with me a little, too. When I come home, she works her way over to wherever I land and wags her tail. She doesn't complain when I pick her up to take her in or out. She let's me scratch more of her body, not just the "sweet spot" along her spine. More often now she chooses to nap in my office instead of next to the water bowl. I think she likes me.

Now that she knows the layout and the rules, Amy seems quite content here, almost happy. She knows that she must go into the Annoying Box when it's time for her breakfast and dinner. Since she figured out how to use the dog door, she goes outside on her own; we hope she soon figures out how to use it to get back in the house. She's memorized the locations of all three water bowls, even the one in Carl's Man Area, right next to the lair of Scary Molly, Queen Bitch of the Universe, who yells at everyone who comes near Daddy's Special Water Bowl.

Amy spends hours exploring the backyard, checking out all her favorite spots to see if anything has changed. She loves to sniff around the edges of the the flower, veggie and herb gardens. She doesn't often nap outside, but when she does, it's on the grass in the sunshine. When she naps in the house, she often follows the sun around on the carpet, moving as the sun moves throughout the day.

I'll remind Louis that he needs to talk more about Amy when he blogs. Just because she's not a dachshund that doesn't mean that she's undeserving of air time.