Fake Mommy Talks About Sexy Grandma

Since Louis is on vacation at Auntie Stephanie's house, he gave me permission to write an entry on his blog. He can't figure out how to use her keyboard.

I know I haven't talked much about Amy, Louis and Gretchen's ancient Lhasa Apso sister (we call her "Sexy Grandma"), but she's grown on me. I think she deserves her own blog entry.

At first, it was a little difficult for me to bond with Amy. She's a very sweet lady, but she's not a dachshund (I know, it's not her fault.). Now that I know her, I like her quite a bit. Not only is she a very nice doggie, but she's very easy to have around. All she needs is a soft spot to sleep, a backyard to roam in and, of course, her beloved water bowl.

I think this new perspective began when I groomed her last week. Before that, she was a little raggedy little dustmop -- I don't think I'd ever seen her eyes before!

Real Mommy had warned me that Amy was extremely difficult to bathe, and I found that to be true. Fortunately, I've had a lot of experience grooming dachshunds who do NOT want to be bathed, so I was able to get the job done with a minimal amount of fuss. I would never attempt to clean her ears, cut her nails or trim her fur (except for mats), but I feel comfortable bathing and brushing her. What's odd is that she seems comfortable too.

One of the techniques I use for bathing aquaphobic dogs is Temple Grandin's Squeeze Machine. I don't know that it's something a trainer or groomer would use, but anxious dogs calm down right away when I hold them between my arm and torso; it worked beautifully for Amy. She let me work on her ears, paws and tail, all sensitive areas for her.

There's something intimate about bathing a dog: Your hands are on her body, examining her strength, looking for mats and owie places. Caring like that for anyone -- human or dog -- is a bonding experience.

Since bathing Sexy Grandma, she seems to have bonded with me a little, too. When I come home, she works her way over to wherever I land and wags her tail. She doesn't complain when I pick her up to take her in or out. She let's me scratch more of her body, not just the "sweet spot" along her spine. More often now she chooses to nap in my office instead of next to the water bowl. I think she likes me.

Now that she knows the layout and the rules, Amy seems quite content here, almost happy. She knows that she must go into the Annoying Box when it's time for her breakfast and dinner. Since she figured out how to use the dog door, she goes outside on her own; we hope she soon figures out how to use it to get back in the house. She's memorized the locations of all three water bowls, even the one in Carl's Man Area, right next to the lair of Scary Molly, Queen Bitch of the Universe, who yells at everyone who comes near Daddy's Special Water Bowl.

Amy spends hours exploring the backyard, checking out all her favorite spots to see if anything has changed. She loves to sniff around the edges of the the flower, veggie and herb gardens. She doesn't often nap outside, but when she does, it's on the grass in the sunshine. When she naps in the house, she often follows the sun around on the carpet, moving as the sun moves throughout the day.

I'll remind Louis that he needs to talk more about Amy when he blogs. Just because she's not a dachshund that doesn't mean that she's undeserving of air time.

It's been a busy month!

Fake Mommy says I should apologize for not writing in so long. She says to tell everyone that we've been very busy with work and gardening, and at the end of the night, Gretchen and me are pretty bushed.

Most afternoons we do this for a long time:

That's us digging holes and eating the grass roots and maybe some grubs sometimes. Fake Mommy says she doesn't care cuz the lawn is a waste of space and water. I dunno about that, though. I like to sit on it and sunbathe. Doesn't my silky hair look resplendent in the sunshine?















Gretchen has been enjoying her time in the garden, too, by protecting Fake Mommy from the water monster. She was real upset because she thought only the hose was the water monster, and then she found out that there a lot of other water monsters around the yard.

She was trying to eat it, but I guess she figured she'd bury it instead.

Amy is doing what she loves to do best: nap near the water bowl.

Okay, so Fake Mommy also wants me to show what was taking so much time. She and Fake Daddy make a new vegetable garden in the front of the house.


In the front box here will be tomatoes, carrots, thyme, marigolds, red and yellow sweet peppers and lots of basil. The middle box will have a big watermelon hill in the middle, with lettuce and thyme all around it.

Fake Mommy says that in a couple months there will be tomatoes, eggplant, basil, carrots, parsley, thyme and marigolds all growing right here.

The little box in front will have yellow squash, thyme and marigolds. Aren't those flowers on the ground pretty? Fake Mommy says they is nasturtiums and will be all around the tree soon.

















When they was making this garden -- Fake Daddy made the boxes! -- I was real mad because they was in the front yard and wouldn't take me out there with them. I yelled at them a lot for that when I was watching them out the front window. Gretchen didn't care and had a nap.

Okay, so that's it. Fake Mama has to stop typing and give me a belly rub now.

We love you Mommy!

I'm making friends

Now that me and Gretchen are all settled in, I'm meeting some other dogs that I like a lot. Here's a picture of me and Davey, another doggie staying here with us. When he first came and sat in my bed with me, I wasn't sure about him. But then we had a nice nap, and now we're good friends. I like to hump him sometimes too.

I have a girlfriend, too! Her name is Pepper and she's the most beautiful lady in the whole world. She was only here for a couple of days, but I fell deeply, madly in love with her. Fake Mommy says Pepper visits a lot. I can't wait to see her again. Here's a picture of me wooing her.

Me and Gretchen are having fun together, too. We like to sleep together at night and sometimes during the day. One of our favorite things to do is dig holes in the lawn and eat roots. We didn't know how to do this when we first arrived, but the other dogs taught us how. Fake Mommy says it's okay, that we're "aerating" the lawn. I don't know what that means.

 

Well that's it for today. Fake Mommy told us that Mommy almost got blown up a few days ago. We were really worried, even after Mommy said she was safe. Mommy, don't get blown up!

Wild & crazy Saturday night

Hello world, Louis here. I'm starting to like at Wiener Wonderland. This is what we did last night:

That's me in the middle in the back, the exceptionally good-looking dachshund. You'll notice I'm the only longhair dachshund on the couch. That's because I'm vastly superior to the rest of them. I got the best blanket, too, but I was nice and let those other dogs sleep on it with me.

My sister Gretchen is on the far right. You can't see her so good, but she is sleeping real happy. Earlier she got to curl up in Fake Daddy's lap. Since only Queen Bitch Olive gets to nap on Fake Daddy, it was very special that Gretchen got to sit there, too.

I asked Gretchen and Amy if they wanted to say something to the world, but Gretchen is chewing her cow hoof, and Amy is sleeping by the water bowl. She has a bed, but she's trying out all the sleeping spots in the house. I don't think the carpet near the water bowl is a good sleeping place, but she's a Lhasa Apso, not a dachshund, and I just don't get how their brains work. I feel real sorry for dogs who aren't dachshunds cuz they're just dumb and wierd.

Okay, world, I hafta take a nap now. Bye!

This will be us next year

Gretchen and me have always liked this video, but it means something different to us now. When Mommy comes home, we're going to give her even more kisses than these dogs.

Mommy sent us an email message!

"We arrived early Sunday morning in Kabul (we're 12 1/2 hrs ahead of you in LA) and have been getting settled in the past few days.  My new place is very nice!  My room is in a big house on the 3rd floor.  I share the 3rd fl suite with two young Afghan women. Our office is on the first floor.  As with all houses here in Kabul, I am in a compound, with a garden out front, and 24hr security/caretakers.  The Afghanistan Australian Development Organisation has its offices here, too, and does science teacher training downstairs.  All our meals are made for us and are delicious!  We have hired a driver, and everywhere I go I must tell our Afghan team member and have security with me.  I can't just wander off any more.

We have accomplished a lot over the past 3 days getting the project up and running.  Today we went to Kabul University to see the Lincoln Center there, quite a trek across town.  The traffic is like LA--Kabul-style, and the street hawkers and street children numerous. The next two weeks we'll be continuing to ramp up the project, which we'll officially begin March 1st."

Welcome to my blog

Hello there world. My name's Louis, and I'm the King of France. I don't know what that means, but that's what Fake Mommy calls me.

See, our Mommy is living in Kabul, Afghanistan, right now, and me and my family are waiting for her to come back home to us. For the next 18 months we're living at a place called Wiener Wonderland with a nice lady who is like Mommy, but isn't her at all. We call her Fake Mommy.

My sister Gretchen is an eight-year-old red dapple miniature dachshund, and I am a five-year-old longhair red mini. We are exceptionally attractive and intelligent. We are also far superior to any of the other dachshunds here. Our sister Amy, a 13-year-old Lhasa Apso, lives with us here too.

Mommy isn't a soldier, but she's helping the people in Kabul, kind of like how the soldiers are helping. She works for a nice company that builds learning centers for the people who live in Afghanistan. She will be doing lots of interesting things, like helping people read, speak English and use the computers. She's going to be gone for a long time, and we'll miss her a lot.

I was kind of freaked out my first week here. Fake Mommy is nice, but I really miss Mommy. I also prefer to be the best-looking dachshund in the room, and there are some other very handsome boys here who think they are prettier than me. As if!  I didn't like the food or the sleeping accommodations. I deserve better than soft beds, plush blankets and a daybed. The backyard is good, though, and Fake Mommy tells me she loves me a lot. Eh, I guess it's okay.

Fake Mommy calls my sis Gretchen a "fickle little bitch." I don't know what that means, but it might have something to do with how Gretchen didn't seem to care at all that Mommy was gone and acted like Fake Mommy was her new real mommy, giving her kisses all the time and sleeping on her lap. She likes it here because she gets to chew on a cow hoof. I don't get her fascination with them. Fake Mommy says they smell like barf.

Well okay it's dinnertime now, so I hafta go. I will write more later after I sleep for a long time.